Elena had been scrolling through posts in various Facebook groups for days. The two-week trip to the Canary Islands had to be perfect. They weren’t about to spend a year’s worth of savings just to aimlessly lounge around—they could do that in the garden for free. She glanced at her husband, who was sitting in front of the TV, deeply engrossed in scratching his groin. If it were up to Albert, there wouldn’t be any exciting plans, or even a vacation at all. Her partner grabbed a handful of chips from the plastic bowl and shoved the whole handful into his mouth. After loudly, and with his mouth half-open, chewing the paprika-flavored snack, he licked his palm with his crumb-covered tongue to make sure none of the flavor enhancers went to waste. Elena didn’t even notice she was grimacing as she watched her husband.
Finding nothing that interested her, she posted in the “Everything’s Great in Tenerife” group: “Going to the south of Tenerife with my husband and two teenage kids for two weeks. Looking for program suggestions via private message.”
From that point on, the suggestions poured in, one better than the last. Elena leaned back, satisfied as she read the sweet, flattering messages. Wow! No one had ever courted her like this before! Just look at these losers, trying so hard to win her favor. The lady of the house grimaced again, but this time with a different expression—one of superiority. “Grovel all you want,” Elena thought. “I’ll decide who gets the honor of kissing my behind for two weeks!”
The hiss of a beer can being opened snapped Elena out of her daydream. Albert gulped down the contents of the three-decimal aluminum cylinder with satisfied gurgles. Elena pulled out paper and a pen to start jotting down the offers she’d received. Albert let out a long, drawn-out belch to let the world know that he was alive, well, and feeling great.
Forty offers awaited Elena’s decision. It was nearly midnight by the time the thorough homemaker was ready to book the services that would make her friends’ jaws drop when they posted their photos on Facebook, Instagram, and some cute little videos on TikTok. Elena bit the corner of her lip in excitement. If Albert hadn’t been burping the alphabet at that very moment, she might have dragged him into the bedroom to release her excitement through sex.
She looked at the torn-out notebook page with satisfaction:
Yellow, four-seater convertible: Carlos Tenerife
Secret places in Tenerife, one-day program: Sylvya Tenerife
Romantic sunset photo shoot: Nikky Tenerife
Whale-watching in Los Gigantes + sandwich + soda/beer: Armando Tenerife
Exclusive, rarely visited water park in Tenerife, super discounted ticket: Lily Tenerife
Three-day excursion to hidden spots in Tenerife: Marisol
She read the list several times and then crossed out the last one. Marisol. It sounded lame. “Unprofessional,” Elena thought, and crossed it out again to make sure she didn’t get the urge to call. The name was too cutesy. Mar y sol. Ugh, what a cliché.
It was past midnight when her 16- and 17-year-olds finally got home from the birthday party.
“Mom?” her son asked, surprised. “What are you doing up so late?”
“I’m planning our vacation,” Elena replied proudly.
“Oh, Mom, can we stay home, please? We’re old enough now,” her 17-year-old daughter whined.
“Absolutely not! A family vacation means we all go together.”
“Okay, but we should decide what’s best for us, not the world. You and Dad would have a better time alone,” her son tried to reason.
Elena cleared her throat meaningfully. This was her way of letting her kids know that the discussion was over, and they could exit the stage.