“It’s one thing that my butt and thighs are freezing, but not even being able to sit down on this damn bus? Of course, the only available seats are the aisle ones… Then again, maybe it’s for the best because I’d practically have to sit in my underwear on that filthy fabric. Ugh. I’d rather stand. Solving this problem at the restaurant will be more than enough. What a brilliant idea this minidress was! Congratulations, Liza, you really outdid yourself! And that old man—how does he not feel ashamed? His retired wife is sitting right next to him, and yet he has the audacity to ogle my twenty-something-year-old legs. I wouldn’t be surprised if he started licking his lips. Great, and now that kid is trying to peek under my skirt. Does he think I can’t see him tying his nonexistent shoelaces over and over again? I should adjust this stupid dress, but I have no idea how to pull it down discreetly enough. Ugh, I don’t care. I’ll just yank it down, and that’s it. There you go, old man. There you go, kid. Stare all you want! Not that Grandpa seems the least bit fazed. I bet anything above ankle level is wildly exciting for him. God, can we just get there already?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me! They organized the Christmas party in this gigantic hall?! There must be at least fifty tables here—if not more. I don’t even know which direction to go. Whose idea was this? Must have been that halfwit Hilda, always looking for the cheapest option. I bet they won’t even ask us what we want to eat. They’ll just plop something down in front of us. They save money on that, but of course, the management has to replace their company cars every two years. How many corporate dinners are going on here at the same time? Five? Six? At least they could have put up some signs indicating where each group is seated in this endless hangar. What even is this place? Why are there several small dance floors scattered among the tables? I’m definitely going to get lost. Oh, great! My skirt has ridden up again, and I was too busy fuming to notice. Fantastic. I’ve probably been running around with my bare ass out. Jesus. Damn this dress! What a stupid idea! I must be out of my mind.”
“What do they think I’m doing with my coat on my lap? I hope the waiter doesn’t assume I’m trying to steal the silverware. He really gave me a look. What else am I supposed to do when my dress turns into a belt the moment I sit down? This is beyond embarrassing. I can’t stand up again. I wouldn’t even know how to fix it if I had to. I’d have to hold onto this rag with both hands just to yank it down far enough to cover my butt. Oh no! A toast! And everyone’s getting up! Why? Can’t we just listen to the boss’s nonsense while sitting down? Blah blah, ‘we’re a great team, we’re a family’—yeah, sure. Except we don’t get company cars or any other perks. Shit, they’re all standing. And those two idiots are watching me struggle with my dress. I need to say something dumb to distract them. Maybe a joke about accidentally leaving home without my skirt. Ha-ha, so funny. Whatever, at least they’re laughing, and they’ll forget what they just saw.”
“Oh my God, Hilda is built like a tank! I swear she gets bigger every day. Come closer, you hag. You’re about to pass out from jealousy when you see how stunning I look in this outfit. Sure, I can’t really move away from this pillar, but I look downright sexy leaning against it. Here, I’ll cross my legs just so my toned thighs are even more noticeable. I work hard for these—sweating at the gym every morning at six while you snore and roll over. That’s right, keep staring! I can see the envy in your eyes. I knew this was the perfect dress to wear.”
“Wow, that guy on the dance floor is gorgeous! He should definitely dance with me. Wait… is he looking at me while spinning that woman around? Yep, he’s definitely checking me out. Alright, handsome, take a good look! Let me run my fingers through my hair and stand up a little straighter. You like what you see? Of course, you do! I knew this dress was the right choice for the Christmas party.”
“He’s walking straight toward me! And my favorite slow song is playing! Hell yes! What luck! I’m about to slow dance with the best-looking guy in the room! Hilda, don’t you dare go to the bathroom now! That’s right, sit your ass down and watch the show. Let the jealousy eat you alive! ‘Oh, am I free to dance?’ Of course, gorgeous, especially if you smell this good. See? Everyone is watching us. Your hands are perfect too. Believe it or not, I wore this dress just for you—even if I didn’t know you existed until now. Must have been fate. Come a little closer, let me press against you. Hilda needs to be absolutely seething with envy. She makes my life a living hell at the office. Oh, this is perfect—her eyes are practically popping out of her skull. Wait. What the hell?! Who the fuck put on this godawful wedding disco song? No! No, don’t spin me! Shit! My whole ass is out! And they’re dying of laughter! Let me go, you idiot! Where the hell is my damn coat? I don’t care—I quit! That’s it! I quit!”