Sometimes it would feel so good to just give up.
Not quietly. Not slipping away. No.
To jump to your feet, kick the chair aside, sweep everything off the table in one furious motion, and shout:
“I give up, damn it. I’ve had enough. I can’t do this anymore!”
Then storm out the door and yell into the world:
“You hear me? I’m not doing this anymore! Hell no!”
And then just… say screw the whole thing.
No more straining, fighting, wanting, always pushing forward, tirelessly. No.
It would feel good to sink, just for a while, into self-pity. To feel the body’s tired trembling, the soul’s dull, aching pain. To soften into the not-wanting, the weakness, the aimlessness.
Because you can’t stay tightly focused forever.
They say it’s easy to stop. What is it they always say? Right: “Giving up is the easiest thing.”
Oh really? Is it, though?
Because that’s a lie.
You can try — it won’t last.
Because there is always another goal. A bigger one. Just when you’re about to reach the current one, just when you’re waiting to finally breathe, the next one is already there. And with it comes the disappointment that you’re still not there yet.
Where exactly?
Well… where you’re supposed to be.
Of course, it’s never quite clear who says you should be there — but one thing is certain: wherever you are right now is definitely not “enough.” And it’s especially hard to achieve anything when the beginning of the journey never counts — only where you happen to be at this exact moment.
And still, I would say:
“Oh, look how far you’ve come.”
The answer would come immediately:
“Since yesterday? Yeah, right.”
I would try to explain:
“Not since yesterday — since the beginning of the journey…”
The comeback would be instant:
“Who cares about the beginning? Where did you get since yesterday? Exactly.”
You can’t live without a goal.
Really?
Could we try it for a little while?
Fine. For a little while.
See?
We don’t even dare imagine longer.
In that case, maybe it deserves to be knocked to the ground for a bit.
Trampled on. Jumped on. Covered with sand.
Watched as it wrinkles, gets dirty,
until no one can take it seriously anymore.
Then leave it there, head held high.
Let it rot.
And maybe, when it comes back and asks nicely…
maybe then show it mercy — and do the bare minimum for it.