Bálint knew he had to do it. He owed it to his wife, even if he was reluctant. Every part of his protested against couples therapy, but he wanted to cooperate. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that there were a lot of unsaid things, but he would never have initiated the sessions. Maybe it really was not right this way, but he was afraid of it all. He had no idea what a weekly session with the psychologist would bring him. Something told him: not much good. He was over fifty, and he was not in the mood to have his real or imagined sins told to his face. He did not want to sit on the couch as a bad husband, looking guilty. But if it makes Ildikó feel better, let it be.
What is more… Peter, his best friend, hinted several times that he found all this “retreat from the world” strange. Peter’s wife Zsuzsi was more merciless: A real mother and wife does not need two days away from the family once every quarter. She said this kind of woman should not have a family. Zsuzsi made no secret of her hatred for Ildikó. And she despised her friend’s wife for travelling. According to the couple, the fact that Bálint spent a few days with his friends was a different story. Bálint was a man, and men needed stag parties. Hiking, a few beers with friends in the evenings, cards and world-changing conversations. Zsuzsi said this was what a man needed to remain a patient father and husband. In fact, he forbade Peter to do such things. She said her husband was too old for that, having partied enough during his first marriage.
Bálint’s mother also shook her head in disapproval when it came to Ildikó’s recent trip abroad. Why the hell does she have to keep wandering? Can’t that woman help herself? With two children, how can she think of such a thing? According to her, it can mean only one thing: a lover.
Bálint asked Péter and Zsuzsi for their opinion on the alleged lover. The woman spread her arms wide with a mysterious expression on her face: It’s so good that it wasn’t me who revealed it.
The man did not believe that his wife was cheating on him. Yes, they had unsaid things and things that had been carefully swept under the carpet. However, as a man and a woman they continued to work well together.
In addition, it was Ildikó who looked for the therapist. If she had something to hide, she would not dare to see a psychologist.
Ildikó prepared for the first meeting, uncomfortable. She was angry that she had let her colleague talk her into it. She was prepared that she would not be able to work properly as long as the process took. Troubled, with an upset spirit, she was unable to do anything, and the sessions would most certainly drain all her energy.
He told her at the beginning of their relationship that he needed freedom. Ildikó found it hard at first, especially when the children were young. At that time, these trips lasted up to a week. It was difficult then, but she got used to it. Over the years, a routine had developed, and being “alone” with the two teenagers was not stressful anyway. Ildikó loved those days, too.
Ildikó’s colleague pointed out to her that this was not normal. It was unacceptable for a man to disappear for days several times a year. She highlighted that a stag party in a normal family was when the husband spent no more than one evening a month with friends. They drank beer, burped loudly, swore, talked about who they wanted to take to bed. In a word, they did all sorts of things that they could not do in front of the child or did not dare do in front of their wives. That was all. They did not travel for long periods. „Dear, if this doesn’t ring alarm bells for you, then you have something to hide, too!”
She said she would break her husband’s neck if he did such a thing. However, Ildikó was particularly bothered by the way her colleague called her partner “my son”, and also by the way she sometimes shouted at him in front of others. Her colleague argued, when Ildikó questioned her about it, that after twenty years of being together, it was a miracle that something ruder did not come out of her mouth. In Bálint and Ildikó’s marriage, there were no examples of the two of them disparaging each other. They did not even feel urge to talk disparagingly to or about each other.
They were sitting on the sofa, embarrassed. Both awaited the verdict with penitent faces. When asked why they wanted to go to the therapy, they recited their lesson one after the other.
– And you? What bothers you about the fact that the other person sometimes needs to spend time apart?
Bálint shrugged slowly.
– Nothing really. When she goes away, I eat fish in oil for dinner, the smell of which Ildikó can’t stand. And when I go away, I usually climb mountains with a couple of fellow hikers, because my wife doesn’t like that kind of trip.
Ildikó also tried to get everything together.
– If Bálint is not home, I watch romantic films in a foreign language. He doesn’t like programmes with subtitles, and anyway, he prefers to read biographies in the evenings. And when I go away, I like to meditate and take long walks in the nature. I don’t listen to music, and I don’t watch films. I simply enjoy the silence. I do yoga twice a day and go to bed early in the evening.
– And the children?
– Well, they were born into it. Since we don’t argue about it, it’s not an issue at home. I don’t think they know that this is not how families live elsewhere.
– What would you like to change?
They were both silent, thinking if only they could go home and go on with their lives as they had built it up for themselves.
After the session, two things were agreed: they will no longer discuss their marriage with others, and the next time they go to a therapy will be when one of them wants to change something.